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Angella Sim

Greenridge Primary School
Nan Hua High
Ngee Ann Polytechnic
Mass Communications

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Tuesday, March 05, 2013

I have no idea how to pour my heart out and who to pour it out to.

Never ever take unlicensed medicine.

I received a call from my mother before I left for school and she was sobbing hard. Grandma had took a turn for the worse and they were sending her home. I didn't know how to feel.... But on the way to school I started crying. I told myself I must be strong and stop crying. But the thought of her passing away was so.. Indescribable. I started crying again in class and I couldn't stop. 3pm plus and I rushed home. There lay grandma and I started sobbing harder. She's surviving on the oxygen tank, and she doesn't have much time left. I shouted "Ah ma, ah ma, I am ah hui!" Her eyes opened. They were yellower than before. Her eyeballs couldn't move at all. She couldn't speak no matter how hard she tried. She couldn't move anything but her fingers, and only twice.

Just three days ago. First of March. There she was, still lying fine and talking fine, albeit a bit breathless as usual. It was my elder brother's birthday so I got him on Skype and we video-called. She could still wish him happy birthday. The doctors had tried to diagnose what's wrong with her, but she was uncooperative. They fed her sleeping pills so that they could find out what's wrong but she struggled and struggled to stay awake so the doctors couldn't do anything. We knew, she was afraid to pass away. Yet, she refused to take any medicine that was prescribed to her. She lost so much weight at first, but suddenly she just ballooned up. I knew something was wrong.

Few weeks ago. Every night at 4am onwards, I can hear her trying to vomit in her bedroom. I could feel her pain but I couldn't do anything. Few nights I would check on her. She was sitting up on her bed at 4am, trying her best to vomit but nothing came out. Everything we placed into her mouth was all rejected, even water. She asked for me to massage her legs. She asked for me to lightly pat her legs. She asked for my hand to hold on to. I could feel how scared she was to pass away. I could feel the strength draining from her arms already. My heart pains for her. Soon she couldn't take the pain in her body anymore and asked to be transferred back to SGH.

Few months ago. She was transferred to St. Luke's hospital and everything was fine, except for her legs. They managed to extract a lot of urine out from her bladder and she wasn't in much pain as before. Soon she was discharged from St. Luke's hospital to rest at home. She still looked energetic. But all she did was to lay in bed and refused to go out. She didn't want to go under the sun at all. She could still make conversations with me without feeling breathless.. But she was in pain. So much pain but she wouldn't tell it to us.

More months ago. She started to lose mobility in her legs and relied on crutches. One of her legs had already given way. I remember this one night when she insisted on going to the toilet herself when her leg gave way and she fell to the ground. She hit her mouth and it started bleeding. There was a bruise on her leg after that. Her legs were often in pain and we had to massage it for her almost 24/7. Soon, both legs lost their mobility and she had to rely on a wheelchair. We managed to celebrate her 73rd birthday together, but the happiness was short-lived. The pain got so bad that we had to admit her to SGH.

Few years ago, she was so loud and energetic. Everyday she would wake up at 6am and head out at 7am to the jurong market to meet her friends. She would keep asking me why my friends stopped coming for mahjong, and I would always tell her it's because they're all in army and no longer as free to come by. She loves crowds, she likes it whenever my friends came by and they'd all talk to her. Anything I need, I'll just have to ask her and she has it. Everything I buy for her, she loves it and asks for more. She loves to eat salty food, so salty that it's detrimental to health. So I'd buy those preserved food for her, asking her to consume those before eating so that she doesn't eat such salty food. She wanted more of the preserved food I bought for her, but I no longer have the chance to buy it for her.

Now. Here I am, sitting beside her bed typing all these. I have to listen hard to her breathing in case it gets shallower.. I'm so afraid. I can't look at grandma at all. I can't think of anything at all. All I keep doing is to cry and cry and I can't stop. I have to stay strong, I cannot cry, but I really can't do it. My heart hurts so so bad. She looks so tired, probably because she had been struggling to stay awake for so long and her body finally gave in to sleep. I don't want to sleep, because I want to stay by her side till the very end. I don't know if she'll get out of this comatose but I'm praying hard she would just talk to us. We couldn't figure out what she's trying to say because she can't talk anymore. The only time I'd ever stop crying is if grandma is out of my mind. The sight of her struggling like this, this pain in me is so unbearable. I cannot control myself but cry. I've been crying the whole day and my tears never seemed to dry. I'm still waiting for my elder brother to fly back in time. Please let him be in time. Please let grandma hold on..

You haven't fried the chicken wings that you promised to fry for me. You have to wake up and ask me again if the clothes that you're wearing matches or not..

Grandma, you're the strongest person I have ever known. I love you.

1:11 AM

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Maybe it's just me but sometimes I feel like I'm just a substitute player, everywhere.

5:25 PM

Friday, December 21, 2012

It felt like the end of the world today.

I was driving on the road, waiting to make a left turn to Upp Bukit Timah Road. There wasn't any incoming cars at my lane so I decided to drive forward, but the motorcyclist on my right decided to drive forward at the same time too, and right into my lane. I honked to warn him that he's driving into my lane.

Then bam. He was on the floor. I was in total shock. It was really almost end of the world for him. But he just got up and showed an OK sign, picked up his belongings and drove away. I had already unbuckled my seat belt and wanted to get down to check on him but I couldn't because there were cars and motorcyles on my right that came in thereafter. Furthermore, he said he was fine and drove away immediately..

So I continued driving in my state of shock, thinking that I was in the wrong at first. Then I thought, I already honked before he drove into my lane, so it isn't my fault right? It's my first time getting into an accident and I really had no idea what to do.

So I reached Alexandra Hospital, parked my car and checked the damages. No wonder he drove away so quickly, the front part of my car had dropped due this impact and he didn't want to pay for any damages knowing that he's in the wrong. I was too shocked to even remember his car plate number, so I can't claim any damages from him anyway..

And now here I am at Alexandra Hospital checking my knee and hip that has been giving me problems. I went for X-ray and apparently I have jumper's knee on my right knee. And there really might be a meniscus tear. The swell behind my knee is probably some cyst caused by my joints or so from what I remember. There is a problem at my left hip but I don't really understand what the doctors said. The doctor told me he had to get his senior doctor to check on the X-ray of my hip, I was like "omg is it that bad".

They recommended me to stop sports and go for physiotherapy for 6 weeks before I go back and check the condition again. If the problems persist I'll have to get an MRI scan. I have to go for an ultrasound on 3rd January too.

What a great end of the world today.

10:34 AM

Thursday, October 18, 2012
21st Wishlist

I know I said I've abandoned this blog for good.. but I've decided to blog some items I want for my 21st birthday HAHA OOOOOOPS. At least it saves whoever that actually reads this from a headache thinking of what present to buy for me hehe.

Sorry ah all a bit branded.... Which is also why it's on my wishlist and I have yet to buy it myself LOL.

Barnstable Bag from Kiel James Patrick
I know I have similar bags... but it doesn't hurt to get one more right? :>

And these Balenciaga babies that I can't make up my mind which I'd want:

Balenciaga Baby Daim City in ANTHRACITE/ARGENTE


Balenciaga Giant 12 Silver City in LAGON or MANGUE
I really love teal green colour haha but I don't mind the yellow too! I know I'd definitely prefer these two over the black one but the black one is so chio too!!

but these Balenciaga bags cost like over SGD$2000.... so forget it hahaha please don't get the bags for me. Unless I chip in at least half of the price for the bag? (:

Canon camera lens are also a good idea, because all I have now is the stock lens :P

So.. I have a few suggestions:

1. EF50mm f/1.8 so that I can take awesome photos for everybody I go out with!
2. EF75-300mm f/4-5.6 III so that I can take closer shots of people playing ultimate at the other end of the field, which also results in better quality (I don't have to crop a small part out which results in a bad quality photo)!
3. EF 15mm f/2.8 Fisheye Lens so that I can spam funny photos!
4. Anything that you think is better than my current stock lens!


I know my wallet is really old... but I don't want to change it at all!! I do own quite a few wallets, branded or not, I still don't want to change. Haha so save the trouble, don't buy wallet for me :P

1:29 AM

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Hi there. You reading this. I've sort of abandoned this 8-year-old blog. You can stop reading now. Actually I'm just too lazy to blog. Good bye!

2:31 AM

Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Taiwan Day 8 - Jiufen

We had our breakfast at my favourite stall! This is just a straight road behind the police station at Ximending. I had breakfast from this shop almost everyday last year at Taiwan :D

Peanut Butter Toast that Jasmine had. Not bad ^^

Yuxuan and Szeli's breakfast set!

My usual 蛋饼 :D

We headed on to the S.Y.S. Memorial Station (come out of exit 3 or 5 and you'll see DBS in front) so that I could go DBS to withdraw money. Ended up I did not know I had to activate overseas withdrawal first, so I couldn't withdraw money and even ended up having my card disabled for trying too much =.= Panicked and used my phone to call back DBS in Singapore.. Forgot that I could ask the staff to lend me their phone to contact headquarters back in Singapore :( At least I had my card activated again! :) Made them wait damn long for me though :/

Moved on to Zhongxiao Fuxing Station exit 1 to take the Jinguashih-bound bus over to Jiufen. I forgot what the bus number was, 2062 or something! It was a very fast ride though, not like what online stated. All the taxi uncles there lied to us about how slow the bus would take to reach Jiufen! D: Thank god we decided not to listen to them :D

We had our lunch at 张记 which is famous for their various fish/meat balls. I think the braised meat rice 卤肉饭 at Formosa Chang is still better though!

My favourite ice cream and peanut wrapped with popiah skin that I couldn't live without everyday at Ximending!

Scenic spot there, but we needed "production crew" to help and hold the lanterns away for the shot haha!

We were feeling adventurous so we climbed up the steep stairs here. But the visibility was almost 0 sometimes because there isn't any light at all inside! And so I found out my phobia - climbing down steep stairs. I get this feeling I'm going to fall and stumble down the stairs all the time while climbing down.

Took photos up there and then we left!

Our last food at Jiufen: 九份賴阿婆芋圓, or Taro balls. It was refreshing heh. Tried the one sold in Singapore and it tasted artificial though :(

We also had the famous 九份紅糟肉圓 (Red Wine Meat Ball with Glutinous Rice Skin) but it didn't taste as nice as we expected :(

We headed back to Shi Da Night Market that night for food and shopping! Pretty much overrated to me though, there wasn't anything much nice there for us :(


11:25 PM

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I really want this Sperry boat shoe in this exact colour :( I have been searching high and low at Taiwan for it previously and was ready going to pay SGD$50 for it when they told me there wasn't any in my size :'( they had it where the top and bottom colour switched but I didn't like it :(

RETAILING AT ASOS FOR SGD$160 NOW D: I don't want my ice cream maker already!! Get me this for my birthday? :) Size UK 7 hehe.

1:59 AM