mummy(:
may be going overseas with family this december yayyyy ^^v
3:43 AM
oh nooooo i shouldnt get so emo and upset shit about this right. it's supposed to be a happy thing!!!
3:40 AM
3 weeks.
Haven't been looking forward since months ago. One small little reason is turning big two, but that isn't the main reason.
Mehh. I kind of want to be overseas right now for my birthday so that at least I can have a carefree birthday :(
3:45 AM
my ex colleague put this on her facebook status today: "The fact is, I don't really know what I want. Incredibly blessed to have come this way (so far so good) despite not knowing what I want."
I dont know what i really want to do for my next job. graphic designer? really? that was what i wanted to do in secondary 3 until i graduated at started working my previous job. but why is it that the moment i've stepped out into the working world, i feel like backing out? this is the scene that i was afraid of all along, and the reason why i went into mass communications. so that i can have another option.
so my other option went into advertising, where my passion grew. yet i'm afraid to actually try and apply for a job right now with my mediocre knowledge of anything and everything. i don't even know if i can actually handle heavy workload like before. moreover, advertising would probably include meeting clients, doing presentations on our concepts. meeting clients okay, but presentations' totally not my thing.
i've always stuttered and feel intimidated when all eyes are on me since secondary school. in band, i could never play my trumpet properly when everyone's listening, or like when i have to play a solo which makes me stand out. i'm afraid of making mistakes. i went into mass communications, and i did countless of presentations; but none of it that i could successfully say that i was okay. even during my speech communications classes, i never scored. because of my fear. every single time i need to present my heart will beat really fast, before, during and after. not just these. today there was this layout drill and ALL EYES will be on me if i do the drill. that whole bloody feeling came back and.. i just couldnt do it. mustering my courage took too long.
sigh.. so probably not advertising. but if i do go back to graphic designing, i know i'm not good enough compared to so many people out there. i have ZERO creative juices at all, i might say. yes, my aesthetic sense did improve during my work, but still not good enough for the industry. after this two months long break, i feel as if i know nothing already. i think the standard of my work will probably drop. i have absolutely no confidence that i can even do a good job if i'm hired. and when i'm hired, yet again i'm afraid of making mistakes.....
i did enjoy graphic designing at my previous job though. probably the only thing i enjoyed doing. but... ARGH. just slap myself with this no confidence shit. i know clearly that i do not want to just find any other job to while this year and the next away because it would not even be helpful for anything.
i think i'll probably have a good talk with my mum about this. but wasting my life away now, every other day going to ngee ann just for some ultimate and friends, every other day doing shit stuff.. these days will never ever be back once everything gets back on track again.
stupid education system.... cant get into the public universities i want, and without a degree i cant even earn much money in this country...
leaving this finding work and getting into a university aside, life's all well isn't it? incredibly blessed with good family and good friends.
2:37 AM
3:21 AM
my life is so mundane that i feel as if i have nothing to blog about, nothing to talk about. i'm not doing anything new, not meeting anyone new.
probably the only fun thing that happened to me was staying in the school loft because of polite! and that my cousin gladys is sleeping with me because her mum is overseas. i cant help but laugh when sleeping with her because she rolls around so much that she rolled off my bed, and even hit her head on my dressing table next to my bed on another occasion.
and everyone else is like either studying or working so i dont know who i can ask out :( I HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE OH GOSH. i miss my nanhua friends :((((((
2:56 AM
cardigan, laced-up shorts - forever21, top - far east plaza, canvas bag - esprit, necklace - diva, ring - flea, boots - steve madden
edited to the sketch effect using my camera ^^
sunday - sushi buffet with npu, then flea with the girls, then k with everyone else. supper at night!!
monday - friendly with ntu
tuesday - training
wednesday - salted caramel with meixiu lingquan and wenjie, then pasta mania + swirl art (again) with daphne dixon yanwen and joel.
contemplating whether i should go training when i wake up. friday - sunday, LOFT + POLITE. then time to REALLY find work hahahaha.
3:54 AM
and i suppose if they had the intention for me to know what's going in their life, had the intention to keep me in their life much, would tell me their new blog link too right??? oh wellllllll.
3:26 AM
I SUPPOSE IT'S STILL BETTER TO HAVE MY SIDE FRINGE THAN A MIDDLE PARTING OR NO FRINGE HAHA.
sigh forehead why you so high!!
1:36 AM